I Blog What I Want.

Strange Music: North Korea Does 80's Pop... Accordion Style

2012-02-08T16:20:00.002-05:00

I don't even understand my own title for this post.

WTF does that mean?

So I came across this story, as I often do, while perusing the weird news section on a news site. I prefer the weird news because even if it's as sad or depressing as regular news, it's also usually funny. The article that inspired this post is here.

The video that (sort of) explains what is going on is here:

Yes, those are North Korean accordion students (I never knew so many unlikely adjectives could be strung together) playing their rendition of "Take On Me" by A-Ha. You know, that hip new band that is sweeping the airwaves and topping the charts!

Do you have our 8-track tape?

Oh wait... no that's a now irrelevant 80's pop trio that haven't been popular since Ronald Reagan was President, scrunchies were a legitimate accessory, and the following picture was deemed totally normal.

Just how much cocaine was actually snorted in the 80's?

This story gets weirder though. Seriously.

Weirder than a Kim Jong Il puppet? Whoa.

See, these students were introduced to A-Ha's "Take On Me" by a Norwegian artist who had traveled to North Korea in an effort to get isolated North Korean artists to a Norwegian arts festival. No reason is given as to why they were not introduced to newer music.

Too much, too soon? Fair enough.

Regardless, what seems to have happened is that the students never made it to Norway (that we know of) and instead were taped playing "Take On Me" via accordions. The tape takes place in a room filled with only with said North Korean accordion students, fake sun flowers, and a mural that suspiciously resembles those wolf t-shirts that carnival people hawk from their incense carts at various fairs and festivals.

Man, those North Koreans are cutting edge.

I'm not sure what moral, if there is any, that can be taken away from this story. All I know is that it is all supremely odd, and since there is no evidence these accordion kids ever made it to that Norwegian arts festival, it's kind of sad too. Who knows? Maybe someday other people can make it into North Korea and introduce these kids to other hip artists...

...like Boy George, or Tiffany. Radical!


Can't you see "Karma Chameleon" in accordion?

Maybe an accordion mall tour?

Anyway, I'm sure those kids had a blast rocking out to music other than those which revere their "dear and supreme leader." Who is it now that the short one kicked it?

Oh yeah, "Kim." How original.

In case those rockin' accordions were just too way too wild and crazy for you, here's the original 80's music video. I would have liked to see some animated North Korean students recreate this legendary piece of spectacularly 80's-tastic art.

Maybe next time?

Stop Clubbing, Baby Seals!

2012-02-08T15:24:00.000-05:00

Today in Ridiculousness: Sheep Herding Rabbit

2012-02-07T13:05:00.000-05:00

The song... the rabbit... the stupid sheep. Only in Sweden. The whole package is just utterly ridiculous. Enjoy!

Neville Longbottom: Unlikely Hunk

2012-02-06T16:27:00.002-05:00

I always had a soft spot for Neville Longbottom. He always seemed so nice and genuine, ~~plus he was a Hufflepuff.~~ (WHAT WAS I THINKING?!? He was in Gryffindor! I DO need to go back and re-read the books!)

But regardless... who doesn't like Hufflepuffs?!

You best not be.

When they cast Neville for the movies, he looked a lot like how the book made you envision him: nerdy, wonky teeth, twitchy. Lovable, but not exactly a hottie... more like the dorky friend. Which is what Neville is.

Decidedly not hot.

Then... something happened.

This happened.

Neville was no longer dorky. Neville was hot. Way hotter than Ron or Harry or Malfoy or anyone else. Neville Longbottom got downright handsome.

How YOU doin'?

This is not new news. I just wanted to shed some light on the fact that Neville Longbottom became a hunk. He should give us all hope. Anyone can start out as a dorky little fat kid with wonky teeth and end up a gorgeous English actor with perfectly coiffed hair. I mean, wasn't that the whole theme of Harry Potter?

Indeed you did.

No? Hmm... I may have to go re-read all the books before I head to Hogwarts in April...

Best Super Bowl Commercials

2012-02-06T02:30:00.000-05:00

Since the Super Bowl was the Patriots vs. the Giants, and I don't really care for either team, I went with who I hated the least. And since Tom Brady and Gisele make me want to vomit, I rooted for the Giants.

They aren't to be trusted.

I was glad when the too-handsome cyborg lost. But to be honest, I always enjoy the commercials the most anyway. Here are some of my favorites!

One Woman A Cappella Disney Medley

2012-01-31T22:13:00.000-05:00

This. Is. Crazy. Enjoy!

The Pop Map

2012-01-31T12:16:00.000-05:00

Soda is not correct. Coke is coke. Coke is not anything other than COKE (er, and well, cocaine), and it is not: Sprite, Pepsi, 7Up, or anything other than a shortened name for Coca Cola.

What do I say? See above post title. That's how I roll. Pop fo' life!

BREAKING NEWS: Eating Only Chicken McNuggets Can Kill You!

2012-01-30T23:21:00.000-05:00

Oh wait, that's not breaking news. That's a famous documentary.

Been there, done that. Thanks Morgan Spurlock!

So what is this post pertaining to? This girl. See, a 17 year old British girl has almost exclusively been living on a diet of Chicken McNuggets for the past 15 years. Not surprisingly, she recently collapsed and almost died because that crap isn't even food.

Hey! I've never seen a chicken that looks like pink toothpaste...

Unsurprisingly, the girl had anemia and a wide array of other health issues. This is not surprising, I will repeat, because McNuggets are NOT FOOD. They are a chicken by product that taste delicious and should be enjoyed as an exotic and nutrition-free food once a year, like tiny marshmallows, Cap'n Crunch, or the Big Mac*.

Nom Nom NOM!!!

Apparently the girl did not realize until you know, she almost collapsed and died at the age of 17 from malnourishment, that this may be a bad idea. Her exact words were:

"I am starting to realize that this is very bad for me." - Stacey Irvine, 17

Starting to? You had to collapse and be hospitalized at the age of 17 before it dawned on you that maybe only eating formed, breaded, and fried chicken particles for the majority of your life was a bad idea?

And beholdeth, the food of the gods... Nuggets!!

Now, I am not trying to make light of the fact that this is an addiction, which it clearly is, but seriously. Where were her parents? The article briefly mentions the mother and how she did not understand it. I get that it really spiraled out of control as the years went on, but this supposedly started at age 2. How about when the kid is 3 and unable to you know, drive, make her own decisions, use a toilet properly, etc., the mom had said... no. No you cannot have nuggets for breakfast, lunch or dinner. Here is some cereal. Enjoy. Or not. Whatever. It doesn't matter because you are THREE and I am a large person and you are tiny. NOW EAT!!

OK... not that! Wheat puffs? Cheerios? Kix?!

Anyway, I hope this girl gets some help. Dying from eating too many chicken nuggets is really not the way to go. It will be hard to stay away from that logo though. She may need to move to a deserted island to avoid her trigger.

Oh no! Now even horses are addicted!

*I eat exactly one Big Mac a year. I have for the past 7 or 8 years. You know why? It tastes better that way, it's like a treat. Oh and also because NOBODY NEEDS TO EAT MORE THAN ONE BIG MAC A YEAR. Well, except this guy.

Muppets v. FOX News

2012-01-30T11:24:00.002-05:00

Go Kermit!

Music That Doesn't Suck

2012-01-25T20:03:00.004-05:00

I don't know about anyone else, but I'm really tired of music that sucks. Every pop song on the radio now sounds exactly the same to me. I know I sound like a grumpy old curmudgeon complaining about the state of music, but I swear, I'm not a snob. God knows, I love to run to Britney more than anything.

Even then, I loved you Brit.

Now, I do love some Gaga and Katy, (You know I thought they would be one hit wonders. My bad!), but there are so many BAD songs on the radio and they all sound the same. Seriously. And don't even get me started aboout Ke$ha. I just don't understand what is happening.

Also, the only subjects of songs now seem to be either A. Gettin' drunk or B. Goin' to da club or C. Gettin' drunk and goin' to da club. Now, I like to go out and have fun and have some drinks now and then. But as a 22 (almost 23) year old woman, my life has not, and will not ever revolve around these activities. I realize that these are top priorities for some people, but I think that the majority of people my age don't only get wasted and go to clubs.

Time and effort is also put into producing quality shirts like this.

Furthermore, so many of them contain lyrics that are down right nonsensical and ridiculous. Case in point...

COME ON.

This is how T-Pain uses Lily Allen? Lyrics that poetically cry out such moving phrases like:

Cause you've been waiting on me since
I said that I was hittin' the club
Something coming up on me
And I know you be getting so horny

Wow. That's so romantic. But wait! Is there more?!

She already said if I don't come home on time
She might go crazy
And she'll be waiting on me naked
With one of my chains on

Naked and chains? Last time I checks that is NOT how women greet men who are out all night at the club without them. Just who is T-Pain talking about? Not anyone I know.

But the t-shirt that I left over your house
The last time I came and put it on ya
Too many thirsty girls up in this club for me to
Leave here with one of them
That's why I call her
And you'll be right at home waiting for me
IPhone plugged in the wall, just waiting for me
Club closed at 6, left around 4:30
Yeah so by the time I'm at your crib...

I hate all those thirsty girls too! And I always am leaving the club at 4:30 literally every night. I can so relate!
Also, can I point out that Lily Allen didn't even bother showing up for the video? Don't worry Lily, take the check (or is it cheque?!) and run. Run far, far away.

No really T-Pain, I can't make it...

So I was pleasantly surprised to see one of my favorite songs of last year be #15 on the itunes singles list. "Somebody That I Used to Know" by Gotye and featuring Kimbra. This is a fantastic music video and song. It really is so full of emotion that seems real and the video is so simple, yet different.

**WARNING** This is NOT about clubbin' and wearing gold chains and gettin' hot at da club party. I apologize if the absence of such content offends you. Please refer to T-Pain above.

Can I also say, I have loved Kimbra for a while now. She is from New Zealand and is apparently popular there and in Australia. All I know is, she is AWESOME. Like, I want you to go buy her album right now and/or watch all of her videos on YouTube. She is really talented and I hope she becomes popular in the U.S. I think she does pop music so well. It's still catchy, but it's actually... good, and different. This video for "Settle Down" is awesomely strange and eery. I love the Stepford-ish little girl/wife/doll theme.

Kimbra is also awesome in "Cameo Lover."

She is also fantastic in perhaps my favorite track, "Two Way Street." Here is a live studio version. Did I mention she is a fantastic live performer? *Cough* Lana Del Rey *Cough* (whose album I also love, shockingly, but that's a whole different story). Enjoy!

I want to reiterate I am not a music snob. I am not trying to be cool, or cutting edge. I am not trying to to tout how I like people-who-nobody-has-heard-of and then dump them once they are popular. I am no hipster. I love pop music.

The 80s are my jam. Wish you were at my mall, Tiffany.

But a girl can take only so much mindless, sounds-all-the-same music for so long before she has to seek help, or music elsewhere. Since I am not ready to admit I have a problem and enter into music rehab, for now I will listen to Kimbra.

Nail Art

2012-01-24T12:47:00.000-05:00

The art historian within me covets these badly.

Odd Ohio: The Puppet's Court

2012-01-23T18:16:00.001-05:00

Oh hey Ohio! You haven't been weird lately? Well, we can fix that. Now... what's the recipe again? Aha! Let me just add a dash of grumpy judge, a smidgen of puppetry, a cup of bribery, a pinch of racketeering, one criminal with a Mob-ish sounding name, and oh what the hell, let's add a squirrel in the mix too. Voila! I give you... "The Puppet's Court."

Please watch this video. You won't be disappointed. It's worth it just to hear a puppet squirrel talk about "the possibility he picked up herpes from a hooker in Vegas."

Enjoy.

I actually applaud this news station, because why are cameras not allowed in the courtroom? It seems archaic. Anyway, this seems like an interesting way to produce satire while providing information. Thanks Ohio!

Rock Me Like A Herman Cain: Why We Should All Have Opinions

2012-01-22T14:05:00.001-05:00

This past Friday, I was lucky enough to be able to attend Stephen Colbert's "Rock Me Like A Herman Cain" rally, as well as be in the audience while Anderson Cooper filmed for CNN.

Absolutely crazy...

... and the hotness that is the Silver Fox.

The Stephen Colbert "rally" was great fun, with a gospel choir, a marching band, and Stephen and Herman themselves rolling up in Herman Cain's campaign bus. Stephen Colbert made fun of everyone, and Herman Cain recited a song from the Pokemon movie (I originally thought it was the theme song, but my friend Isabelle corrected me. Thanks!) and then Stephen Colbert pretty much tore apart Super PACs in a monologue that correctly pointed out the hypocrisies of how elections are now funded.

Stephen Colbert is a comedian, but he made some important points with his scathing and hilarious remarks. Whatever your political beliefs, whether they be right or left, independent, moderate, conservative, liberal, I think we can all agree that things are not working.

The Citizens United Supreme Court decision was important. It IS important. It affects us all. I personally think that the Supreme Court got it wrong. In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court found that the First Amendment prohibits government from placing limits on independent spending for political purposes by corporations and unions. I happen to agree with Stevens' dissent, which stated:

At bottom, the Court's opinion is thus a rejection of the common sense of the American people, who have recognized a need to prevent corporations from undermining self government since the founding, and who have fought against the distinctive corrupting potential of corporate electioneering since the days of Theodore Roosevelt. It is a strange time to repudiate that common sense. While American democracy is imperfect, few outside the majority of this Court would have thought its flaws included a dearth of corporate money in politics.

However, by bringing attention an issue that is serious to this blog (which is decidedly NOT serious as a general rule) I am not even trying to persuade people to dislike the decision. If you agree with it, great! If not, then OK! The point is, HAVE AN OPINION. We are lucky to get to have them, to disagree. I am fortunate to be able to publish the fact that I disagree with a Supreme Court ruling without the fear of being imprisoned. Take advantage of free speech and the ability to decide for yourself!

Read the decision here. You can go online and find any Supreme Court decision. If that looks too long/complicated, go to a site that summarizes the decisions. The point is, get informed. However that information computes to you is an individual choice and process. But I am begging of people, especially people my age, have more to talk about than whether Johnny Depp and his strange looking French (wife, girl friend, paramour?) are separating.

If they can't make it, love doesn't exist.

And let's not even GO THERE with Heidi and Seal...

LOVE IS DEAD!!!

I guess the point I am trying to make as I ramble about nonsense is that you can care that Johnny and Vanessa should stay together for Lily-Rose and Jack while simultaneously having an informative opinion about the way that elections can be funded. Being smart and caring about nonsensical issues are not mutually exclusive.

Too many people, and I fear especially young women, are scared to have opinions, to look smart, to act like they care about more than just "The Real Housewives." Don't be. So many people have fought for us (men, women, Americans in general) throughout history to do more than just text about whether Snooki looks better without makeup on.

She does.

So, tune into Fox (if you want right wing bias) or MSNBC (if you want left wing bias) or even Comedy Central if you just want to laugh as political satirists poke fun at politics. At least from them you'll get some sense of what is generally going on, even if what they say is utter nonsense. If you like Ron Paul, you're out of luck because it seems that the media bias is leaving him in the dust, (so says the media) so maybe go to Libertarianism.com. Whatever you want!

Then, turn on E!, turn off your brain, and watch the Kardashians fight to the death over who is more "famous" if you so please.

Then call me and let me know if Bruce's face has moved yet.

Just be informed! Care! Have a sense of what is going on. Please? No? OK. Well, I am going to get off of my soapbox and relax with a nice article about... RYAN REYNOLDS AND BLAKE LIVELY??? Since when are they dating? What happened to Leo? OMG I cannot believe he rebounded from ScarJo so quickly! That thing is so going to last for about as long as Kim and Kris' wedding. Zing!

...and who knows? I might even turn on the news tonight.

Newt Wins SC...

2012-01-22T13:15:00.002-05:00

A Pipe Dream?

2012-01-18T21:47:00.000-05:00

The Virgin Diaries: Why Why Why?

2012-01-18T19:40:00.001-05:00

I was able to watch"The Virgin Diaries" earlier in the month and have been pondering the TLC show ever since. I know I am late on covering this, but bear with me.TLC as we all know, stands for "The Learning Channel." I'm not sure if that is really applicable anymore, since now it just seems to be a channel about people making fools out of themselves.

Exploiting children is big too!

Now I am all for "educational" reality television. Though the Kardashians make me want to jump off of a bridge, I love shows like "Swamp People" and "Taboo" which focus on rather... interesting people. What can I say? Reality TV is like money making anthropology gone bad. I love it as long as the adults understand what it is they are getting into.

Glenn and Mitchell have never left the swamp, and they're OK with that.

However, "The Virgin Diaries" was so confusing to me. First of all, to watch this you have to be able to handle a LOT of embarrassment, just as an observer. I covered my eyes in horror more times than I did while watching Oliver the Humanzee. If you know me, that's HUGE.

The horror... the HORROR!!!

This TLC "special" (AKA let's see if the ratings are high enough that we could actually make a show out of this) centered on 3 different stories of adult virgins, some of whom were virgins by choice, some who were not, and one dude who just could not get laid.

Carey: cat love and fudge enthusiast. Also, the most normal one.

Carey seemed like an OK guy. He just came off as very shy and kind of embarrassed that his virgin status had gotten to the point that it did. I think Carey will be fine once he meets a woman who shares his love of chocolate and large cat jungle gyms.

Then there was the harem of 30 year old lady virgins who all lived together.These chicks had some overblown ideas of love and sex, putting it all on a pedestal so high I'm not sure Brad Pitt wearing a suit of armor while simultaneously showering them with flowers and chocolates could satisfy their fantasies of the perfect man.

LOVE US!!

One was also a "born again" virgin which you could tell the other 2 thought was total crap. I could not really tell if these ladies were aware of how the show was painting them as desperate and needy, and so it made me uncomfortable. They seemed like nice enough people, but with some perhaps, unfulfillable expectations.

Then, there was Ryan and Shanna.

L'amour.

So many things about these two made me cringe. The fact that he seemed so uninterested... that she seemed SO VERY interested... the mention of crotchless panties... the fact that his head was so oddly shaped... their apparent delusions as to what their wedding night would be... THE KISS(ES).

******WARNING****** WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO SEE IS HIGHLY DISTURBING******

Although I did enjoy the show for pure shock value, I also felt bad for the participants. There is no shame in being a virgin, either by choice or not, yet these people were made out to be freaks. Then again, they all signed up for a show that was all about them being virgins, so maybe they were asking for it?

I don't know. All I do know is I really wanted whatever Ryan and Shanna kept doing with their mouths to stop. It made me want to crawl into a hole and never come out. God bless them all.

No please... make it stop!

The 2012 South Carolina Primary

2012-01-16T20:39:00.002-05:00

Movies I Want To See: Moonrise Kingdom

2012-01-12T19:09:00.000-05:00

I, like many other white people enjoy Wes Anderson films. Especially "The Royal Tenebaums," which is one of my favorite movies ever.

Anybody interested in grabbing a couple of burgers and hittin' the cemetery?

That is why I am excited for his new movie, "Moonrise Kingdom." Some of the usuals are in it, like Bill Murray and Jason Schwartzman, but there are some other interesting people in it too, like Bruce Willis and Tilda Swinton. The story is apparently about two kids who run away together and the adults in their lives who are trying to find them. I think it looks quirky and reliably retro in that singularly Wes Anderson-y way that he does things.

Here's the trailer... enjoy!

An Excellent Question...

2012-01-11T17:27:00.000-05:00

The Crack Jacket: Why Florida May Be Odder Than Ohio

2012-01-11T17:25:00.002-05:00

A truth has been knocking on my door for the past few months. It is a truth that I will not, nay, CAN NOT ignore.

Florida may be odder than Ohio.

Take it BACK!

Now, before there is a mutiny, let me explain. Ohio is still odd, and as it is my state of birth, I will still be reporting on its strangeness. However, I just can't ignore the fact that Florida is full of some STRANGE NONSENSE. This article gives a good overview of Florida's strangeness in 2011 alone.

Now I am finally "cracking" (You'll get the pun soon! Wait. If I have to explain the pun, then it's not that funny. Oh well.) due to a story about a man who arrived in court wearing a "crack jacket."

What's a crack jacket, you ask?

These are pictures of how to make crack. Seriously.

Get a better look here. Also from the article:

A Florida drug suspect who arrived at his court hearing wearing a jacket depicting a recipe for crack cocaine was "exercising his freedom of speech," his lawyer said today.

What a great idea! That is like a murder suspect wearing a shirt that reads "I kill people." It just makes sense.

... wait, there's more?!

Christopher Patterson, 25, of Dania, Fla., showed up in court Friday wearing a jacket with pictures of a box of baking soda, a pot over a fire, and a spoon with a white substance, showing the end product a "rock," slang for the drug.

It's like a lesson for the Judge! How thoughtful of him to provide instructions.

The jacket also contained the phrase "stack paper say nothing," slang meaning to make money and not talk about where it came from.

If I've learned anything useful in all my years of schooling, it's "stack paper say nothing." Amen.

Maybe they're BFFs?

Needless to say, the jacket is ridiculous. However, I am curious as to wear the hell he got that. I for one, have never walked into a clothing store and seen a sign for the "drug how-to" shirts. Apparently I am shopping in the wrong places.

Regardless, as much as I am hate to admit it, the state just might be weirder than Ohio.

Don't cry! They're rebuilding Giant Jesus!

Ohio and Florida are both odd, but some of these stories out of the Sunshine state need to at least be given credit through visual imagery. I will now illustrate just a few of the happenings with a brief photo montage of weird Florida news. Enjoy!

Oh wow! What's your secret? Squats? Cement?

What? It washed up!

Now hold on a second...

Too much like the KKK? OK.

And there you have it. Now go put on your crack jacket and play outside. It's cold! Where do you think you live, Florida?

Let's hope not.

Harry Potter Truth

2012-01-09T19:36:00.002-05:00

Weird Legal News: The Mountain Dew Mouse Case

2012-01-08T15:03:00.002-05:00

Ah Mountain Dew. The pop (I'm from Ohio, I'll call it "pop" all I want!) of my childhood. Let me rephrase that actually. It was my preferred pop, but I was not allowed to drink it all the time. See, Dew is like crack for children. It's full of sugar and caffeine and tastes like acidic lemon lime juice. Why it is popular makes no sense.

Mmm... green acidic sugar water. So, so good.

However as a child I craved and coveted the stuff, inhaling gallons of it when my friends and I had late night sugar filled benders that ended in somebody's face being covered in Sharpie cat whiskers. It was middle school, and Mountain Dew was our drug of choice.

Hey, at least we admitted it, unlike this woman.

But anyway, my taste for Mountain Dew disappeared as I got older and realized how disgusting it tastes. Now, I know millions of people love the stuff, but I happen to think it tastes like lemon lime battery acid. My feelings towards the beverage seem to now be justified by a news story I recently came across.

"Mountain Dew's Power to Dissolve Dead Mouse Used As Legal Defense"

Wait. What?

So here's the story. Apparently a man is suing Mountain Dew for finding a dead mouse carcass in his drink.

The defense?

PepsiCo, the soft drink's parent company, defended itself against a man who claimed he found a dead mouse in a can of the citrus soda. Experts called in by PepsiCo's lawyers offered a stomach-churning explanation for why it couldn't be true: the Mountain Dew would have dissolved the mouse, turning it into a "jelly-like substance," had it been in the can of fluid from the time of its bottling until the day the plaintiff opened it, 15 months later.

The new question has become: Is Mountain Dew really so corrosive that it can dissolve a mouse carcass? And if so, what does it do to your teeth and intestines? Is Mountain Dew's classic slogan — "It'll tickle yore innards" — the world's most sickening understatement?

Wait, Mountain Dew's slogan was "It'll tickle yore innards?" WTF?!?

But moving on... WTF?!? So the mouse carcass would have been corroded by the ingredients in Mountain Dew? So they aren't arguing that the mouse could not have been in the pop, but that if it was, the ingredients are so corrosive and acidic that the mouse would have become jelly-like. Yum.

The article also contains the results of experiments of Mountain Dew on teeth, including defenders who say it is as acidic as orange juice. Uh, except orange juice is made from FRUIT and has vitamin C. Mountain Dew won't be curing your scurvy anytime soon. Although, it may dissolve your mice.

Who needs mouse traps when you have Mountain Dew?!

Win... uh, win? Lose? I don't even know. All I know is, I think I'll keep my distance from the Dew.

American Politics

2012-01-03T22:13:00.000-05:00

The Iowa Republican Caucus

2012-01-03T21:48:00.003-05:00

2012: A New Year

2012-01-02T19:48:00.001-05:00

So I am late on this, but I am still working on the paper that never ends. 2011 was a pretty good year for me. I moved in with Josh, finished my first semester of law school, and lived in Charleston over one very hot summer. I went to some weddings, ate a lot of good food, and read (not enough) some really good books.

This was one. Go read it.

I can't say I'm a hardcore resolution maker, because I'm not. I am looking forward to 2012 though. Two of my very good friends just got engaged, and I have a multitude of weddings to crash, uh, I mean attend this year. I am also planning some little trips, and Josh's sister is having a BABY! Have I mentioned how much I love babies? I mean, I cannot wait to play with a cute little chunker cheeked tiny itty bitty baby, and then give it back to its parents when it cries or poops!

See ya!

I would like to go more places in the next year, but I would also like to spend less money. Not that I spend a lot of money, because I don't. This is a dilemma I am facing that has only one answer:

Who needs all those kidneys anyway?!

But seriously, I would like to do some fun things this year, and maybe read more books for pleasure. It's hard to say I will be less stressed about school, because I still don't know my grades. If I bombed last semester (oh, and even if I didn't) I will get stressed to the max. I think it's hard to go to law school and not stress out about it, maybe actually impossible. I am looking forward to only 3 more semesters to go though, which is at once scary and exciting. I have loved school for a long time now, but this relationship needs to end. This past semester nearly turned me into a cross eyed study hermit.

Where am I? Is this the library? Is it still 2011?

I want to run more this year, and maybe run some races like I used to do before I got lazy and moved in with a person who cooks delicious food for a living. I want to make sure I really take full advantage of living in downtown Charleston. I don't know. I have been pleased that I have stuck to blogging, even if the topics are mundane and strange (maybe ESPECIALLY if they are strange). It has been fun recording the weird stuff I ponder about and come across, and maybe my children will read this one day and be like, "Whoa, you really always have been dorky and full of nonsense." And then I will ground them because I can.

In the mean time though, I just want to keep living my life. Here's to a great 2012!

New Years Humor

2011-12-30T15:18:00.002-05:00

Another Reason Why Tina Fey is Awesome: A Mother's Prayer for Her Child

2011-12-29T23:07:00.000-05:00

If you have not read "Bossypants" by Tina Fey yet, go out and do it.

Right...

... Now.

OK. Seriously, it won't take long and you will laugh so hard your sides will hurt afterwards. If you like 30 Rock, Tina Fey, or you have any sort of sense of humor, you will like this book. She has (obviously) an excellent sense of humor and fantastic writing skills.

Can I be her when I grow up?

Also, it's Tina freaking Fey. Who doesn't like Tina Fey?!?

Oh, right.

Well whatever. The book is fabulous and funny and an easy read that will make you laugh if you possess any sort of soul. Here is an excerpt, and one of my favorite parts of the book. Enjoy!

A Mother's Prayer for Her Child

By Tina Fey

“First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered, may she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her when crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock ‘N Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance. Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes And not have to wear high heels. What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You, because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long, For childhood is short – a Tiger Flower blooming Magenta for one day – And adulthood is long and dry-humping in cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever, that she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister, Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends, For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord, that I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 A.M., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck. “My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental Note to call me. And she will forget. But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.”

-Tina Fey

Odd Ohio: Crawford County, AKA Dead Cat Central

2011-12-28T22:33:00.000-05:00

I am from a county. Crawford county, Ohio. There is not much to say about the place except that it is here:

Think "ocean view," then think of the opposite. That's Crawford County.

Here is a close up:

Bucyrus: Big City Livin.'

I have nothing against the place really. It was a nice place to grow up. I just knew from the age of oh, 7 or so that I never wanted to live there as an adult. See, I like year round, nice weather. Not, "crappy for 9 months, with depressing gray skies and no sight of the sun, but freakishly hot summers which make no sense" weather. Also, the landscape was never my preference.

So flat! So field-y!

Still, I have a soft spot for the place. After all my parents and sisters and grandparents and lots of my friends still live there, and I did grow up there. I have lots of fond memories of the place, even if after being there for a week I am ready to hitch hike to the nearest town that has a mall.

However, I have just read some disturbing news. Apparently, there is a cat killer in Crawford county. Read about it here.

See apparently in Galion, which is the other "city" in Crawford county besides my own Bucyrus, there have been five cats shot in the head since July. FIVE. Now I am no statistician, but I think it's safe to say that is a freakishly high number of cat shootings for any area, let alone a city with a population of 11,000.

Arm thyselves, cats of Crawford county!

Now, I do feel bad for the cats. I happen to love kitties and think this is a terrible thing. However I am more worried due to the fact that this sort of thing usually leads to such people like, oh I don't know... JEFFREY DAHMER.

Watch out Crawford County. First its cats and next thing you know some dude is trying to kill you! Oh wait, that's already happening in Ohio.

Get out. Get out now. And bring your pets with you.

The Art of Procrastination

2011-12-28T15:15:00.001-05:00

I am a procrastinator. A school work procrastinator. That is not to say I don't get things done. I do. I just make sure that I stretch it out for as long and painfully as possible. Let me reiterate that I have never turned in an incomplete assignment in my life. I have always done well in school, but doing so has come about as a result of waiting until the last minute. I like the feeling of the pressure. Is there something wrong with me? Most definitely.

I pulled too many all nighters in college to count. Nearly every other week I would stay up until 6 am, furiously writing until the assignment was complete. My crowning achievement was the 20 page political science statistics paper on the European Union and its crop regulation that I wrote in one night and got an A- for. It was a glorious achievement.

Victory is mi... zzzzzzzzzz.

However, law school does not take kindly to all nighters. To prepare oneself for a law school exam, one must study (at least a little) throughout the semester. To write a brief, research must be done. Correct research. These aren't the "research" papers of years past where one trip to the library and 15 Georgia O'Keeffe books later I had a 15 page paper on her life and paintings.

According to Georgia, not a vagina.

Instead, these stinky law school papers require more time and effort. I can't get by on just throwing things together and it is TORTURE. I have been working so painfully slowly on this brief that is due in 6 days that it makes me want to weep and gnash my teeth in frustration. The worst part is that since we are a month behind (Our team got the problem a month after everyone. Commence gnashing.) I have a defeatist attitude about the whole thing. I just feel like anything I write is not going to be good enough.

Me right now.

On my quest to finish this brief (which I volunteered and signed up for, so why am I complaining?) I have procrastinated in many ways. I have gotten up, walked around, called friends, called family, looked in stores, browsed online, checked my new book list, gotten up, got more coffee, texted friends, cleaned my house, taken out the trash, folded laundry, walkd Luke, taken multiple unnecessary showers, wandered around the grocery store, drank more coffee, called more friends, and gotten on Facebook more times than should be legal. To sum it up, I have procrastinated in every way imaginable.

Well, maybe not every way.

So here I am at a coffee shop, blogging when I should be writing. I have all of my papers spread before me and all I need to do is write. Well, analyze the law, apply it to my facts, then write it in a punctually and grammatically correct way that also makes sense. This is going to be a challenge. I think I should start.

After I check Facebook.

10 Things I Love About Christmas

2011-12-21T19:49:00.000-05:00

Christmas is my favorite holiday and always has been. I'd like to say it's because when I was little I was amazed that the Virgin Mary gave birth to Christ, but that's not quite the case. I was an exceptionally greedy child and Christmas is when I cleaned up with the best and the most loot.

It's mine, it's ALL MINE!!!

You see, since I had a mom, a dad, a step mom, a step dad, my step dad has a step mom, and my dad has a step dad (Did I mention they're all named David?), and about 100 other extended/step/cousin/half whatevers, I had approximately 8 Christmases every year growing up. I was also the only grand child on both sides for 8 years on one and 10 on the other, and all of my great grand parents were alive when I was born. I have literally been spoiled rotten for my entire life.

I was the original Veruca Salt.

However, as I have gotten older, I am not quite as greedy. Don't get me wrong, I'm still quite greedy, but I no longer count my presents and roll around in them like Scrooge McDuck.

HAHAHAHA!!!!

There are so many things I love about Christmas though, so I thought I would compile a list of my 10 favorites.

10. Christmas Decorations

I love Christmas decorations. I love Christmas trees and Christmas lights. I love poinsettias and stockings.

I like traditional red and green myself.

And even though I do not particularly care for giant blow up snow men and creepy plastic Santas hanging from my roof, I still appreciate the Clark Griswolds out there who try. Any other time of the year I would bitch about how tacky and hillbilly it looked... but not during Christmas!

God bless America.

9. People

I don't mean people in general. I'm not that sappy. I mean people tend to be nicer around Christmas, and therefore even strangers are more pleasant to be around. Listen, I like politeness and manners, even if people don't mean it. I honestly do not care if somebody I don't know if a good person or not, as long as when they bump into me they say "excuse me." There is a reason I never desired to live in New York City or a more urban setting. I like manners! Why else do you think I live in Charleston?

But regardless, people seem to have a cheerier attitude around the holidays. Maybe it's the long weekend, maybe it's all that boozy eggnog. I don't really care why, but I like it!

Preach it Victorians!

8. Food

I've always been more than mildly obsessed with food even on a day to day basis, so Christmas is like hitting the jackpot. Everyone around me is obsessed with food as much as I am for a few days! It's glorious! Everyone dines like pigs! I especially love Christmas sweets.

Mmm... buckeyes... the non poisonous kind!

COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE!!

7. Christmas Music

See my general thoughts on Christmas music here.

6. Christmas Movies

Skip the deleted scenes, they change EVERYTHING.

Look at what Aunt Clara sent you!

Yeah I got the daughter in the clinic getting cured off the wild turkey.

4 Food Groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns, and syrup.

Light the lamp, not the rat, light the lamp, not the rat! Put me out, put me out, put me out!

5. Shopping

I love shopping anyday, but when I have an actual excuse to go spend money on things I don't technically need, I love it. I really like trying to figure out great presents for people. I look at it like a sport. I also love Black Friday. Call me crazy, but I think of it as a game. A game I must win.

Bring it on, Christmas.

4. Wrapping

While I realize that some dread the task, I happen to enjoy wrapping presents. I find it therapeutic and calming, like when I cut out coupons or do sudoku. It's a mindless task I can do while listening to a movie or music. I like to do mine in brown paper with real ribbons because it reminds me of my childhood when my grandmother wrapped our gifts in cheap mailing paper and got real red and green ribbons to spruce it up.

3. Presents

I love getting presents, and people are lying if they say they don't. Sometimes the anticipation is better than the presents themselves are, but isn't that all part of the fun? Plus, I like all things, so I always like my presents. If it is a thing, I probably want it. I especially like shiny and sparkly things, but those are not necessary attributes. I like old things and new things and big things and small things. What can I say? I'm easy to please.

I'm right here!

2. Stockings

I actually like stockings better than presents, because I find it fun to reach into them and pull the presents out. I love getting little trinkets and make up and lottery tickets in them. It's just so fun to fish around in them and have a pile once they're empty!

Once I even got car keys in the bottom of my stocking that went to a real car, and I nearly peed my pants. I think sadly I peaked at that point, since the boat, house and jet keys have never made an appearance in the years since. Here's crossing my fingers for this year!

1. Family

This is perhaps a total cliche, but it is quite true. My favorite part of Christmas is hanging out with my family. This year I am not going home to Ohio for the holidays, and it makes me sad. However I will be with Josh and his family who are wonderful, so it will just be a different kind of equally good experience for me this year. I will miss my family a lot though, especially the ones I only get to see usually once a year. I am quite thankful for all of them, because they are pretty awesome.

Merry Christmas!

Lawyer Christmas Humor

2011-12-20T21:12:00.002-05:00

Christmas Humor

2011-12-17T17:35:00.000-05:00

Scary Santas:A Gallery of Ho Ho Horrors

2011-12-16T18:55:00.000-05:00

Santa may have many names, like Jolly old Saint Nick, Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, yada yada yada. You get the drift. But in the last one hundred years, Santa has had one look.

You know, Santa in a red suit...

.. smoking Santa. You get the idea.

He is a red suited, jolly fat man with ruddy cheeks and a gut that Michelle Obama would NOT approve of.

Drop and give me 10 fat man!

You get the idea though. Santa is supposed to bring joy and presents to children by sneaking into their houses on one night of the year and leaving them toys and eating the cookies that he demands in exchange. It works out pretty well, as Santa gets the goods he wants and the kids get the toys. It's simple supply and demand economics.

However, sometimes Santa is not jolly at all, but rather a horrifying creature that children recoil from in fear. The following gallery is a testament to some of the scariest Santas ever caught on camera.

Guy Fawkes, is that you?!

Run away!

Who let their kids sit on this guy's lap? Seriously.

Exhibit A: Drunk Santa.

This Santa would kill you in your sleep.

The eyebrows tip this over the edge into scary. Also, is that the kid from "Matilda?"

Ah the olden days... a good scare never hurt kids back then!

That baby wouldn't be so happy if she could turn around...

Exhibit B: Hungover Santa.

How I Found Out The Truth About Santa

2011-12-14T14:24:00.003-05:00

Christmas is upon us, and that means that Santa Claus is coming to town!

Cut out the coke Wilford. I think you may have "Di-ah-beet-is."

The modern idea of Santa is that of a jolly fat man in a red suit who gives kids presents on Christmas Eve. As a small child, it blew my mind that Santa was able to get us ALL presents. I was also very impressed by the reindeer, and always made sure that along with Santa's cookies, I left out some carrots for Rudolph.

All the other reindeer were mean... they get nothing! They called you names!

Sadly, I did not believe in Santa for long; I think I was about 6 when I found out. My step dad revealed this information to me on a completely different holiday.

The beginning of the end...

It was an Easter morning in 1995 that started out bright with chocolate and promise. I had gotten up and found my Easter basket (The bunny always hid the basket at my house, but not in other kids'. That should have been my first warning sign.), and I was admiring my new shoes and shoveling Peeps into my mouth.

Breakfast of champions.

The shocking reveal began through a series of questions he posed to me regarding the plausibility of a giant bunny who gives everyone chocolate, and ended with me running up the stairs wailing loudly, locking myself in my room for an hour and discovering that my childhood was a mere shadow of what it had been that morning.

My mom was out of the room (obviously, or this would have never happened), and the conversation went something along the lines of this:

Dave: "So you REALLY think there is a giant bunny hopping around, giving kids eggs and chocolate?"

6 year old Hannah: "Uh yes. He's called the 'Easter Bunny.' How else did I get this basket?"

Dave: "But really. Think about it. You think there is a giant rabbit who has all these baskets and eggs and has enough to give to all the kids?"

Hannah: "Uh... yes. No. Yes! I don't know. I guess it doesn't make sense..."

Dave: "I mean, why are all the other bunnies small? Why is this the only giant talking bunny we know of? Why does this guy know to do this? Where does he keep all the baskets? How does he get to all the houses in one night?"

Hannah (thinking this sounded suspiciously similar to Santa's yearly routine): "I don't know! Fine! There's no Easter Bunny! Whatever. I guess there's no Santa Claus then either?"

Dave: ...

Hannah: "NOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" {Insert hysterical crying}

I then collapsed in a pile of my own snot and mourned my childhood. I had begun to suspect this fact before that fateful Easter morning, but the questions had confirmed what I had already started to suspect. But why had they lied? Why?!

I would never know.

In retrospect, Dave was around the same age I am now when he did this to my six year old self, so he was probably just messing with me and went too far. The lesson I learned is that out of every terrible event something useful could be gained. I never really held a grudge. Instead, I brought it up every year for the next 2 decades as a way to remind him that he had destroyed my sense of wonder and magic, and had ruined my childhood feelings in regards to two holidays in a matter of minutes.

And isn't that what Christmas is really all about?

Am I a Man, Or Am I a Muppet?

2011-12-12T14:04:00.001-05:00

I did not include this after I saw "The Muppets," but since I have consistently been singing this song to myself and my dog for about 3 weeks, I think it's time that I share this magical song with the world.

I knew there was something wonderful about it in the theater, but as I was watching it, I had a nagging feeling that it reminded me of something. The lyrics were so sincere, yet so ludicrous. I wondered who could have written such a song?

"Man or Muppet?" This has the Boss written all over it.

Well, I went home, looked it up, and it all made sense. The writer was Bret McKenzie of "Flight of the Conchords," one of my absolute favorite Grammy Award winning, New Zealand singing comedy groups (er, well, the only one). The group consists of Bret McKenzie and Jemaine Clement, two New Zealand comedians who sing songs that are hilarious and ridiculous. They duo had a show on HBO for awhile, and though it was pretty funny, their concerts are better. I went to one a few years ago and my side hurt from laughing at the end.

"Albi the Racist Dragon" is my personal favorite, but they are all great. Enjoy!

Movies I Want To See: The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

2011-12-11T21:32:00.001-05:00

I just finished the book, "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo," and I have to say, I was pleased. Some of the characters were a bit uneven, the beginning was slow and the end was a little rushed, but all in all it was a nice read.

There, that's my synopsis. Riveting, right?

I do realize that everyone else in America read this book about 3 years ago, but when I started it at that time I found the initial 50 pages boring. All it seemed to discuss was libel (I now know... it's a tort!), and nonsense and blah blah blah when I was told it had to do with a dragon tattoo! There was no dragon tattoo from what I could tell at first. How deceiving! I was way more interested in reading about Lisbeth Salander than I was about some libeled news story. Well, I picked it back up again and read it all and it was quite a compelling read. I am really looking forward to the movie.

How smoldering!

I am well aware that there is a Swedish version of the movie that is supposedly wonderful, but since Americans can't be bothered to read subtitles, the movie had to be remade in English. I am fine with this mostly because the English version features Daniel Craig, a man I ardently adore.

Why hello there James Bond...

... fancy seeing you again!

So anyway, the movie looks good, at least from the trailer. It looks all dark and moody, which is what I would expect from David Fincher. I also think that Rooney Mara looks like a great Lisbeth Salander. She looks young, boyish, and slightly anorexic, which is exactly how she is described in the book. I would have been very disappointed if they would have tried to pretty her up or make her look too girly. I think from the trailer and the images that have been released, she looks pretty true to the book's description.

Miss Congeniality she is not.

I know it is totally cliche to think Lisbeth Salander is bad ass. Duh. EVERYONE think she is hardcore. I have such an affinity for the character however because even though she is a total bad ass, she is also very fragile. She has serious, big issues. Which is her appeal. I get it. I fell for it hook, line, and sinker, and I am OK with that. Now I am off to start the next book!

Oh! Here is the trailer:

Halfway Done With Law School... Hopefully

2011-12-10T20:52:00.000-05:00

Well folks, I spent today fitting in all of the fun things I have been putting off lately. I woke up late, (missing a planned coffee date with a friend, but it has been rescheduled!), I went Christmas shopping, I bought copious amounts of wine and eggnog, and I am FINALLY trying out Trattoria Lucca, the beautiful little Italian place that is right down the street from us. After that I plan on wrapping a few presents and reading (a novel! NOT a textbook!) I have had, and will have had, a very happy day.

I just like to smile, smiling's my favorite.

I needed today. Like, if I had not had today, I would have to be institutionalized. Why you ask? Well, because this exam period was the absolute worst I have ever been through. It was brutal. I wish that sometimes I could time travel back to when I was in college and apologize for ever complaining about undergrad exams, because law school exams are in a whole other circle of hell. I am also embarrassed to say that I think the worst grade in law school I will receive will be in Professional Responsibility. I will remain mum on the class and details, but let me just say, the exam went something like this:

That's putting it lightly.

Furthermore, I need to go back to the library on Monday to begin a huge project. So I am enjoying this weekend and reading for pleasure and eating delicious food and drinking lovely drinks.

So what happened while I was gone in the black hell hole that is law school exam preparation?

1. Herman Cain suspended his Presidential bid. Too many ladies, too little time... or something like that.

Wait, is this not him?

2. Britney Spears turned 30. This makes me feel really, really, really old because I remember her growing up. Like when she was declaring herself a virgin, dancing with Madonna, marrying some dude, annulling a marriage, marrying K-Fed, dropping her babies, divorcing K-Fed, shaving her head, hitting cars with an umbrella, being heavily medicated... all the poignant moments in a person's life, I witnessed for Brit, and I still love her just as much.

Hit me baby one more time! (What does this mean?!?)

3. Alec Baldwin got kicked off a plane by a flight attendant. Oh Alec, you and your crazy ways.

I still love you Jack Donaghy.

4. Fake pregnancy bellies are now a craze in China, because who doesn't want to pretend that they are hugely pregnant and wear an expensive and uncomfortable rubber belly? So hip!

Dyeing dogs to look like wild animals was a much cuter weird Chinese fad.

5. FOX News claims that the Muppets movie is brainwashing children with its liberal bias and use of an oil tycoon as a villain. It's true because FOX says it is. FOX News has never brainwashed anyone!

Damn "green" stinking hippie.

That's what was missed this week. I will return now to m regular musings on weird things and random updates on the stuff you didn't know you wanted to know about. But for now, I'm off to dinner!

Favorite Christmas Specials: A Garfield Christmas

2011-12-05T16:11:00.002-05:00

I absolutely love Garfield. When I was a kid I used to watch "Garfield and Friends" after school and on Saturday mornings. Now, whenever I see that fat orange cat I fondly remember my childhood, a time when my biggest worry was what I was watching on TV that day.

I always identified with Garfield's grumpiness, love of food, and irritability with Odie and the ever annoying Nermal. If I were a cat, I would totally be Garfield. I have never watched the Garfield movies with the real people because, honestly, they look terrible. I don't want my fuzzy fond memories of Garfield to be tarnished by Bill Murray's voice and that guy from "Road Trip." I'll stick with my favorites, including "A Garfield Christmas," a special that my grandma taped from the TV onto a VHS for me. Now I guess I would just watch it on YouTube, which is what I have below.

So anyway, without further ado, here is Garfield, Jon, Doc Boy (Why is that a name??), and my favorite, Grandma. Enjoy!

2 Down, 2 To Go...

2011-12-05T15:33:00.002-05:00

Well folks, I've now taken my constitutional law and criminal law exam. There's not much to say about my crim law exam, except that I am deeply dissapointed I did not get to show off my new found knowledge of insanity. I knew the common law test, the Model Penal Code, the Federal, the Irresistable Impulse (sounds sexy, but it's not), and my personal favorite, the twinkie defense.

I'm CRAZY about twinkies! Literally.

I don't like to overanalyze exams too much since as I've stated before, I really don't know how I did until I see the grades come up on my school access page. A couple of weeks after we take our exams, we get emails over the course of a week or so that tell us "so and so's" grades are up. Then, I go to the access page, type in my info, and proceed to feel kind of like it's the night before Christmas and also kind of like I need to throw up. It's an odd combination. Theoretically, I know that in the long, grand scheme of my life, grades don't mean much. However, I also am aware we are currently in the middle of a crippling recession that is affecting every field, including law, and even if I make good grades and do every extra curricular activity I can handle, I'll still be lucky to be a part-time night attorney in middle of nowhere, South Carolina, working as a janitor on the weekend.

Maybe if it were 1987.

This is secretly my worst fear. Scratch that. Oliver the Humanzee is my worst fear hands down, but this is a close second. Also, I would like to point out that there is nothing wrong with being a janitor. I just happen to be bad at cleaning, so I would make a terrible janitor and most likely get fired. Then I would have to become this:

This is of course the next logical step.

Anyway, my whole point is I hope I do well in school. I work pretty hard at it, (despite the fact that this blog exists) so it's nice to see some sort of feedback that says, "Hey, all those nights you spent eating lean cuisines and making flash cards instead of going out with your friends was totally worth it. Kind of." I mean, since we don't get any other grades during the semester, by the time exams roll around I am starving for any sort of reinforcement, whether that be I am smart or stupid or even exist. I JUST NEED TO KNOW SOMETHING!!

Well, at least now I know.

So anyway, I took this afternoon off to watch "Once Upon a Time" on Hulu and eat a brie and ham sandwich with Josh on our porch since it's warm again today. At 5, I have a study session for evidence, and thus it begins again. I still have that and Professional Resonsibility to finish, so Friday at about 4:15 is going to feel quiet nice... I mean, before I start the appellate brief! But really, I am looking forward to that "done with exams" feeling.

In the meantime, since I spent the afternoon regaining my sanity instead of studying, I found a baby dressed up as Sophia from the Golden Girls.

I literally love everything about this.

Favorite Christmas Specials: The Twelve Days of Christmas

2011-12-03T15:48:00.000-05:00

I want to address some of my favorite Christmas specials this month, since watching Christmas movies and TV specials was always one of my favorite parts about Christmas. So today I was recalling what I watched as a child, and I remembered the somewhat obscure "The Twelve Days of Christmas."

This is a totally random Christmas special from 1993, but I had it taped on VHS and used to watch it every year along with the Garfield and Flintstones Christmas specials. (That whole sentence dates me.) But, anyway, does anyone else remember "The Twelve Days of Christmas" featuring a crotchety bear (I think?) princess named Silver Bell and her suitor who uses his manservant Holly Beary (Halle Berry reference? So odd.), who woos here with a partridge and all those maids-a-milking? No? OK then, here it is anyway. Enjoy!

It's so bad, it's good... kind of.

Christmas Humor

2011-12-03T15:30:00.002-05:00

One Down...

2011-12-01T15:09:00.000-05:00

Well, my con law exam is over.

No no... CONstitutional LAW. Not Con Air.

So how did I do? I have no idea. I can never tell on these things. And that is not me being coy. I literally have no idea. Last year I remember calling my mom after taking my property final and while I was watching E! News highlight the Royal Wedding (It was the same day. Figures!) and I informed her how I had failed the test and done terribly and would most definitely lose what scholarship money I had and have to drop out and be homeless. I did not. I was also feeling pretty solid about torts first semester and it ended up being my very worst grade. I still don't understand torts.

I prefer tarts to torts thanks.

So I have no idea. I do know that at one point I was told to pretend that the Civil Rights Act was passed in 1910 and if so, the commerce clause was defined in a narrow way, using the Tenth Amendment, and if that was the case, then what answer would be the weakest for supporting the unconstitutionality of the law?

Yeah, I don't really understand that either. Still don't. In fact, how is that question even possible? I should have answered every question as letter C. I may have had a better chance that way.

Did I mention that I went to bed at 4 because I had major anxiety induced insomnia? Did I mention that last night at 11 pm I found out that William and Mary did not send us our moot court problem on time, so while all the other teams have had it for 4 weeks, we JUST got it now? And that I will begin writing an appellate brief as soon as my exams are over?

This. Makes. Me. MAD.

Oh well. I do this to myself. To be honest, when I have no deadlines and nothing to do, I am a total mess. I can't handle it. I go for one week like that and I start to get jitters. I have to make fake deadlines up for myself, usually involving reading books. I both loathe and love being busy. Which reminds me... I have to finish editing a final draft of a paper, learn a semester's worth of criminal law, the difference between the Model Penal Code and common law, what hearsay and its exceptions all mean... and I also have to make an exam sheet for PR which consists of fitting an entire rule book onto one sheet of paper.

After that, I am drinking spiked eggnog and making cookies while I watch Love Actually and Elf on rerun. I can't wait for Christmas!

Update: No Life For Weeks Ahead

2011-11-25T23:29:00.000-05:00

It has been a few days since my last post. However I was too busy stuffing myself with various foods to care.

My favorite Monarch.

In case you forgot, it was Thanksgiving. I had a great time with Josh's family, although I did miss my own. Another reason I shall be absent for a bit is this little thing I like to call EXAMS, aka, law school exams, aka for the next 2 weeks I HAVE NO LIFE.

See, law school people have secret meetings in which they plan to destroy lives. The worst of which is making each class have only ONE GRADE. If this doesn't equate to cruel and unusual punishment under the 8th Amendment, then I certainly do not know what does!

Merely an interrogtion technique. Just ask John Yoo.

Therefore, I have the enviable task of taking 3 1/2 months of difficult and ridiculous information and knowing it all so I can take one test that makes up my whole grade for the class. Did I mention that everyone is on a curve? So even if I do well and have A quality material, if enough people do better than me, it is scientifically impossible for me to get an A. Yay!

But for real, it's OK. It is just school and other people are facing much more difficult and challenging times than I. I actually quite enjoy school and have a wonderful life, so I can't really complain. I mean, I CAN. I have the right to free speech under the First Amendment (and that is one of the Bill of Rights provisions that has been incorporated and applies to the States) so I mean, I can complain. But I won't.

I lied. I will. But that's not illegal. Unless it's under oath. Then that is perjury. See? It's dangerous to blog after studying. Then your blogs are filled with annoying and silly pieces of information that people don't care about.

But you still should know about, because then when people claim that they can do things they can't, like get rid of whole departments by themselves under the Executive Power. Departments like education, commerce, and... what else? Oops!

Turns out that Presidents have to deal with these other pesky things like "Congress" and the "Judiciary." Crazy, right?! Who knew??

But anyway, I have to go read about the dormant commerce clause (go ahead.... be jealous!) so I have to go. In the meantime, while I look like this:

OMG I totally love learning about hearsay!

Check out this. Black Friday gets more and more like a caged fight to the death every year. Are we in American or Ancient Rome? (Oh who am I kidding? The gladiators never got that sweet of a deal on their Wii!)

Happy Holidays!

Thanksgiving Humor

2011-11-22T22:05:00.000-05:00

WTF Songs: Shimmy Down the Chimney (Fill Up My Stocking)

2011-11-22T17:59:00.001-05:00

Let me preface this by saying I LOVE Christmas music. Good Christmas music. I am not a Christmas music snob however. I've been known to sing a tune or two from this album back in the day:

Justin, I love what you've done with your hair.

I love many kinds of Christmas music. As a child, my favorite was "The Night Santa Went Crazy" by Weird Al Yankovic. I think I've mentioned more than once that I was a really weird little kid.

However, I have come across a song that is so WTF I had to write about it. As I was sitting in Starbucks pretending to study (which I will do after this sadly) I heard a song come on. The line "I watch you fill up my stocking" and several bemused snickers from my fellow patrons led me to google, which then led me to... Alison Krauss?! What?! I LIKE HER! Why did she sing this song?

The lyrics are as follows:

Tonight, I waited but my heart is so cold
'Cause you never stay more than a minute, so I'm told
I know you're just doing your job
But what am I supposed to do?
When all I want for Christmas, darling, is to be with you

I watch you shimmy down the chimney, baby
I watch you fill up my stocking
But when I offer you some Christmas greetings
You just keep on walking, yeah

I'm not asking for a miracle, just a night
And if you just look in my eyes, you just might
There'll be no other woman who'll treat you like I can
(Come on over here)
I'll be your loving, darling, you'll be my loving man

Oh, I watch you shimmy down the chimney, baby
I watch you fill up my stocking
But when I offer you some Christmas greetings
You just keep on walking

I watch you shimmy down the chimney, baby
I watch you fill up my stocking
But when I offer you some Christmas greetings
You just keep on walking
(Keep on walking)

I watch you shimmy down the chimney, baby
I watch you shimmy down the chimney, baby

You just keep on walking
I watch you shimmy down the chimney, baby
I watch you fill up my stocking
I watch you shimmy down the chimney, baby

At face value, these lyrics may not seem so weird, but hearing Alison Krauss sing them in such a desperate, whining way makes this song just... strange. Is it serious? Funny? It sounds very forlorn. Not what I want to listen to in order to get into the Christmas spirit. Listen, I love "Santa Baby," but that song is not really creepy because Eartha Kitt sings it in such a playful and obviously funny way. "Santa Baby" is a joke. This song is just confusing.

WHO is she singing to? Santa? I mean, it has to be. She is watching him fill up her stocking and shimmy down the chimney. Totally Santa. Then Santa spurns her because he keeps on walking. Hmmm... I don't know lady but maybe he doesn't have time to respond to your "Christmas Greeting" because he has BILLIONS OF KIDS TO GIVE TOYS TO. The world population just hit 7 billion and this chick is pissed Santa won't take a minute to flirt with her? Furthermore, he never "stays more than a minute?" Well yes, as reference above there are kids he has to give presents to. You know, his job since he is FREAKING SANTA.

She says he knows he's doing his job... which gets me to another point. Santa does this particular job one night out of the year. ONE NIGHT. So she's telling us that since he won't look her in the eye on the only night out of 365 that he does this, she's offended? Surprised? She asks for just a night... but it's CHRISTMAS FREAKING EVE. That is legitimately the worst timing ever and no body's fault but hers that Santa is not down to declare his love the one night he has to do something kind of majorly important for all of the earth's children.

Also, did I mention Santa is MARRIED?? Is this some kind of pro-adultery holiday sing song? She sings that "There'll be no other woman who'll treat you like I can." Tell that to Mrs. Claus. She begs to differ.

Maybe I am reading too much into this. What if she isn't singing to Santa? After studying these lyrics again, then that means she must be singing to some sort of Santa inspired cat burglar. What cat burglar fills stockings you ask? I don't know. Ask this guy.

The last possible meaning behind this song is that there is some weird sexual undertones to "shimmy down my chimney," which is the creepiest of them all because:

1. WTF does that mean?? (I don't want to know)

2. If that IS true and he then refutes your Christmas greeting then that is just rude and you need to move on already.

AND

2. That is not exactly family appropriate Alison Krauss. FOR SHAME!

Therefore I conclude that even though I love Alison Krauss, I do not love this sad/confusing/weird/whining/creepy song about her love for Santa/cat burglar who won't love her back after he shimmies down her chimney. I think I'll stick to "Jingle Bells" thanks.

Movies I Want To See: The Muppets

2011-11-21T22:46:00.000-05:00

I am SO SO SO EXCITED about the new Muppets movie. I don't think I need to explain myself here. There are 7 main reasons I want to see this movie:

1. Kermit the Frog
2. Miss Piggy
3. Gonzo
4. Jason Segel
5. Amy Adams
6. Singing Chickens
7. Statler and Waldorf

Why do I love the muppets? I love the older movies of course, as well as A Muppet Christmas Carol. I watch that every year around the holidays. "It feels like Christmas" is the BEST.

Also, like any self respecting 90's kid, I grew up watching this:

Enough said.

Girl Crush: Christine Lagarde

2011-11-20T21:30:00.000-05:00

Christine Lagarde... you rock.

Her hair itself could run a country.

There are so many reasons I have a girl crush on the director of the International Monetary Fund. She is a total bad ass lawyer, the first woman director of the IMF, the ninth most powerful woman in the world (according to Forbes), and she seems seriously cool and no nonsense as she attempts to help the world avoid a complete financial meltdown. PLUS she is freakishly stylish in that way only French women can be, through a seemingly endless wardrobe of strageically placed scarves. Watch this interview here and bask in her awesomeness.

Managing money, one fabulous outfit at a time.

I do, however, have some serious scarf envy.

Want: A Very Victorian Christmas

2011-11-18T16:31:00.001-05:00

I am deciding to be all pouty and demand that Christmas come NOW. Not because I need anything or want gifts in particular (Give me things! I like things!), but rather because I want to make Victorian recipes for Christmas and pretend that I am living in late nineteenth century Britain, minus the lack of indoor plumbing. Although I would totally take a chamber pot as long as I didn't have to clean it.

That's what underpaid servants are for!

Why do I want to do this? I believe that I have mentioned before that I am:

1. A total nerd. Like, I read history books for fun and museums are my jam.

**Note that this does not mean I am super smart. Not at all. In fact, I could not long divide to save my life, and I never took chemistry or anything involving math if I could help it. Rather, all it means is that I am full of rather useless knowledge about topics that I find interesting.

AND

2. Obsessed with Victorian Farm, a BBC documentary that I watched with awe and wonder because I like stuff like that.

My favorite part of the documentary was the Victorian Farm Christmas. Ever since I saw it I have been yearning to make mince meat pies and mulled wine. Why? Though she was neither a laborer or British, my favorite American Girl doll was Samantha, who lived during the Victorian era. Well OK not really. Technically it was the Edwardian era since Victoria died in 1901 and Samantha was set in 1904 (WHY DID THEY ALL END IN 4???) but close enough. Samantha was rich and had the coolest clothes, so naturally since I was an admittedly shallow child, she was my favorite doll.

Samantha was so rich, her doll had a doll. Beat that Kirsten.

I also was totally obsessed with the above outfit and doll owned by Samantha. The moral of her Christmas story was that if you give your doll to a poor kid, you will get a better doll for Christmas. Or something like that. Whatever. Regardless Samantha had velvet outfits and her own freaking dress maker. Eat it Felicity!

But anyway, dolls aside, I really want to make the things that they did back then since they look quite tasty and bad for you, the combination of which happens to be the key to my stomach. I am also fascinated by mincemeat and who thought that was a good idea, as well as the fact that English people think pudding should not be made from a Jello box.

I am fascinated by:

Mulled wine! I've had this. I just want more.

I need to know what "mince" tastes like. Joy? Love? Meat scraps?

Sugar Plums! All this time, I thought it was just a name for a fairy.

How is this pudding!? I must know!

These are just some of the things I am going to convince Josh to make with me. In the meantime, I will stuff myself at Thanksgiving and keep putting up Christmas decorations. I just really need to experiment to see how these taste and see if I would have been happy with my options if I had lived then. I can't think of anything more pressing that needs to be answered. It's not like I have law school exams coming up or anything. Oh wait...

Btw, only 36 days and 8 hours until Christmas!

Weird News: Man High On Meth Kills, Eats Bobcat

2011-11-17T13:48:00.000-05:00

This may not have taken place in Ohio, but I had to share. This is why you don't do drugs kids. Well, this too. According to this particular article,

"Deputies were searching for a marijuana farm in an unincorporated area near Morgan Hill when they found 38-year-old Henry Arnibal living in trailer with about 50 roosters, which authorities believe were being raised for cockfighting. Inside the trailer, deputies found methamphetamine and cockfighting gaffs, or sharp hooks attached to the legs of a rooster to be used as weapons.
But in a wildly more interesting discovery, they also found the preserved carcass of a bobcat hanging from a fence."

Huh?

Poor kitty.

The article goes on to explain that it is not illegal to eat a bobcat, but it IS illegal to kill one without a permit. So, in case you were wondering, if you want to eat barbecued bob cat, you had better find it dead or get a permit. No exceptions!

The article also includes a recipe for bobcat fajitas. I feel like it's kind of sending a mixed message. Are we anti-bobcat killing or pro? Is it OK as long as the killer is not high on meth and has a permit? Who knows. All I know is that when the cock fighting farm/meth lab is NOT the weirdest part of your living situation, you may want to reconsider your life.

Why Target Is Awsome: Turkey Dinner Plate For Pups!

2011-11-16T22:20:00.003-05:00

So, I was in a store the other day. You know the place. It is a store designed by the gods themselves. A store among stores. Better than Wal-Gross and cheaper and cooler than department stores. Filled with magical things that I have no need for, but want desperately with a desire unmatched by anything else. It is a place called...

Not IKEA.. that is also awesome, in a different, more Swedish way.

I was in Target for an hour, which is the minimum amount of time one can spend in the store. Target does not allow people to leave in under an hour. That is the rule of Target. The other rule of Target is one must desire all things while in the store that one has literally no need for. Target tells you what you need and want.

In fact, while there I had a sudden urge to buy a gingerbread house kit and a King Tut ornament, Apples to Apples To Go, 5 different DVDs, a pair of purple shoes, a man's watch, a new shower curtain, 10 different kinds of wrapping paper, a really awesome thing to hang on the wall, a really awesome thing to put on a table, and a really awesome thing to put on the floor. I resisted most of these urges, though succumbed to a few. What these things were does not matter. They were from Target and thus they were awesome.

However, this time even Target outdid itself in awesomeness. What I saw at the end of the dog food aisle stopped me in my tracks. What was this? A turkey dinner for a dog? But wait! It was really toys that looked like a turkey dinner. A squeaky turkey! A "stuffed" baked potato! Corn on the cob! All on a totally cute and useful Frisbee plate!?!

My mind immediately thought "Luke NEEDS this. He must have this. I don't care if he will chew it up and destroy it. He must have it because it is awesome and I must have this in my house."

OMG!!! Rope green beans! All for $9.99!

They also had a cheese and fruit box (Gasp!) and a lobster dinner (WTF?! Fancy!) that I craved. I stood there weighing the pros and cons of each different dinner for at least 5 minutes before deciding that I needed Josh to help make the final decision since I thought he would like these as much as I did. I reluctantly left these items (which I cannot find online) and will be back to get one of the sets for Luke's Christmas. I don't know about you, but this is something that if I had seen it as a child, I would have begged and begged for it because I thought it was soooooo cool. Yes, I was a weird little kid. But it turns out I am a weird adult too and I want one of these toy sets very badly.

Obviously Luke will also learn to use cutlery as well.

I mean... uh, "Luke" wants one. Yeah... that's it.

Movies I'm Confused About: Mirror Mirror

2011-11-16T14:07:00.000-05:00

I already discussed in a previous post that I am really excited to see "Snow White and the Huntsman" when it comes out next year. I also discussed "Mirror Mirror," the other Snow White movie coming out around the same time with Julia Roberts. I expressed doubts about her playing the evil queen.

No, that's a hooker with a heart of gold.

This is the Queen on her throne of gold. Different idea.

Well, the trailer is out and I am... confused. Do we like this queen? Is she really evil? It's Julia Roberts for goodness' sakes. I mean, Nathan Lane is her side kick! Who doesn't like Nathan Lane?! He puts the "hakuna" in hakuna matata!

Then she turns the dude from the Facebook movie, the oddly named Armie Hammer, into a dog (HELLO 10th KINGDOM RIP OFF!) and then she is like, totally mad at Phil Collins' daughter... I mean Snow White.

Her eyebrows are impressive.

What is this plot? Is this aimed at children? I do like the take on corsets, but only because we all know I find them fascinating.

From the looks of the trailers I think I am still favoring K-Stew's movie (a phrase I NEVER thought I'd type) but only time will tell. Julia Roberts needs to really convince me that it is worth my money to go see her look like a not-so-evil rip off of Queen Elizabeth.

Queen Bess: the original bad ass. Just ask Mary Queen of Scots.

Marcel the Shell is BACK!

2011-11-15T17:14:00.001-05:00

Marcel the Shell with Shoes On. If you don't know what I'm talking about, you have to check it out. Marcel the Shell is an adorable little shell who, with (his? hers? the gender is unclear, but I'll go with her since she has pink shoes) her wheezing voice gives us her little wise musings on life.

The first video is adorable. Marcel is telling us about her day to day life and the obstacle she faces being, well, a tiny shell. Marcel's nasal yet adorable voice gives us quotable lines like:

"Sometimes people tell me my head is too big for my body and I say, "compared to What?!"

“Guess what I do for adventure.”
“What?”
“I hang-glide on a Dorito.”

“My one regret in life is that I’ll never have a dog. But sometimes I tie a hair to a piece of lint, and I drag it around.”

But really, you should just watch it here:

Needless to say I was delighted to hear that another installment of Marcel was available. Here is Marcel the Shell part two, in which Marcel informs us of what happened to her sister (rogue balloon) and shows us her "bedroom." Marcel even gets to hang out with a dog... sort of. Enjoy!

Odd Ohio: Man High on Bath Salts Breaks Into Home and Puts Up Decorations

2011-11-15T11:03:00.000-05:00

I'm not sure I even have to write anything. The headline says it all. In Vandalia, Ohio an 11 year old walked into his home to find a burglar (Terry Trent, pictured below) had put up Christmas decorations and was watching television. Read the whole article here.

The face of Christmas cheer.

Ah Ohio... you never dissapoint.

The Hunger Games Trailer is Here!

2011-11-14T20:27:00.001-05:00

I LOVE the Hunger Games books. I am really excited about the movie as well. In case you are not aware of what "The Hunger Games" is, it is the title of the first book in a trilogy by Suzanne Collins. It is about a future North America in which the continent is divided into districts and each must pay tribute in the form of children fighting to the death.

Go read this book now!

24 kids from the ages of 12-17 are chosen to be placed in a contest. If they lose, they die. If they win, they secure food for their district and can become leaders for other future children who are destined to the same fate. Did I mention that they fight to the death on LIVE TV?

The future you say? I thought that was the premise of Toddlers and Tiaras...

Forget Twilight and whiny, needy Bella who gives up her whole life for some vampire. Katniss Everdeen is the most bad ass heroine to come around in a long time. I also have a fondness for Jennifer Lawrence, as she seems to be a good actress and does more than bite her lower lip.

SHE WILL KILL YOU. LITERALLY.

I have been anxiously awaiting the trailer to come out, and it did not disappoint! The casting seems perfect.
Gale is way hotter than Peeta however, which could be an issue since I may have to root for him now.

Did I mention that in real life, this is Thor's brother?

Regardless, I am really looking forward to when this movie opens in March. The books are great, and Katniss is a great role model for young girls. She is tough and will do anything for her family and friends, which is pretty cool. The movie also has Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, Donald Sutherland, Stanley Tucci, and Lenny Kravitz just to name a few! Ahhhhh! Here is the trailer. Enjoy!

Bad Idea: Weight Loss Hot Pants

2011-11-13T13:10:00.001-05:00

I, like many others who are fools for coupons and deals, get emails from Groupon regularly. I often find good deals on things I don't need, but want, and also things that I want, but don't need. Every once in a while, I find deals on things that make me do a double take. "64% off Weight Loss Hot Pants" is one of those deals.

Now, I am not trying to say that these pants don't work. I literally have no idea. I don't own such hot pants, nor have I ever spoken to anyone who has tried them. I am not knocking the idea of weight loss pants, or hot pants. I am questioning the person who though stringing those words together was a great idea.

See, when I think of weight loss, I think of being chubby. I think of uncomfortable fat rolls, and unwanted crevices.

No, this is cute fat.

This is double the cute fat.

That's what I'm talking about.

Most of us, especially women, have some fat that we would like to get rid of. I know I could stand to lose few, and I definitely need to exercise more. However, the way that I want to do that is not through wearing HOT PANTS. You see, when I think of hot pants, I think of this:

The 70s were a magical time.

I don't know about anybody else, but the LAST thing I want to do while trying to lose my fat rolls, is to shove them into hot pants in order to do so. I looked these pants up, and apparently they look like this:

Those aren't hot pants!

You see, they don't seem to be what jumps to my mind when I hear the words "hot pants." These look like pants that keep you sucked in. In fact, they look kind of like long volleyball spandex, which I was rather fond of in my younger days. I think I could wear these pants. But now, I never will because I feel I've been misled by the fact that they are called "weight loss hot pants." I just can't wear anything that has such a terrible name. What if I got a compliment on them? Do I say, "Thanks! These are my weight loss hot pants!" No. It's too much of an oxymoron. Like "jumbo shrimp" or "Quiet Riot."

In the quest of doing more research, I looked up these Zaggora hot pants. Turns out, these are HOT pants. Literally. These things are supposed to make you hot and sweaty and burn more calories. Because there is nothing I want more than for my fat thighs to be doused in layer of uncomfortable sweat and trapped by a layer of skin tight wet suit material!

To be fair, I have no clue if these pants are helpful. I have no idea if they work or not. What I am merely saying, is that they lost one possibly interested customer by calling them "hot pants" since I had to do all this work just to figure out that they make you sweat away your problems. That was exhausting. I am wiped out from doing all of that research just to find out that "hot pants" mean that they actually make you hot. How misleading!

Now excuse me, I have some cookies to eat.

Odd Ohio: Amish Beards Must Go!

2011-11-11T13:22:00.002-05:00

Oh Ohio, you've done it again! There is an Amish community in Steubenville, Ohio that has recently been plagued by beard cutting attacks.

You can't trust these people.

The most recent attack happened when a man was attacked by his own son. In the news article you can click on from the above link, it is reported that:

"The beard-cutting incidents are related to Sam Mullet, leader of the breakaway Amish group in the Bergholz area. The group has had differences with other bishops over the handling of church matters, and (sheriff) Abdalla said the son of the latest victim is married to Mullet's daughter."

Is anyone else sort of intrigued that these hair cutting attacks are connected to a man with the name of "Mullet?" Maybe it's a grand scheme to force the Amish to adopt the hair style. In all seriousness, here is a compilation of mugshots of the Mullet brothers when they were arrested on kidnapping and burglary charges.

Thug life.

Apparently the victims of these hair attacks are refusing to press charges, as the Amish are a peaceful bunch. Hopefully something stops these attacks soon though, since these are clearly hate crimes.

So there you go folks, more weird Ohio news! It's the state that keeps on giving.

**DISCLAIMER**
I am completely aware that the Amish do not believe in being photographed. However, I think that the pictures help bring awareness to these horrid crimes.

Movies I Want To See: Snow White and the Huntsman

2011-11-10T19:18:00.002-05:00

I will be the first to admit, I'm not the biggest fan of Kristen Stewart. I am not sure if this is a fair assessment or not, but mostly I have an issue with the fact that her only way of displaying emotion in the movies is by biting her lip.

Smile! Grimace! ANYTHING ELSE but the lip!

However, I DO love fairy tales (my new favorite TV show is "Once Upon a Time" and I was pretty much obsessed with "The 10th Kingdom") and I also love Chris Hemsworth.

Hello there, Thor.

So maybe I shouldn't be surprised that "Snow White and the Huntsman," a new movie starring K-Stew, Thor, and Charlize Theron, looks pretty darn good from the trailer. I think I may just have to go see this when it comes out. I especially like how the mirror is a weird metal shape shifting goo thing. Also, Charlize looks FIERCE.

Would not mess with her.

Count me in as sold on seeing this movie next year. Check out the trailer here.

Also, apparently another movie just called "Snow White" is coming out around the same time. I saw the stills where Julia Roberts looks like a peacock Elizabethan queen of hearts, and I am just not sold yet. Sorry Julia, but this looks ridic.

Don't cut out my heart Queen Elizabeth!

Thoughts on The Duggars

2011-11-09T12:55:00.000-05:00

I have some thoughts. Some thoughts on the Duggars. Have you heard of them? I'm talking about Michelle and Jim Bob (yes, someone thought that with a nice name like 'James Robert' the obvious nickname to go with was 'Jim Bob,' but WHATEVER) and their brood of quiverfull "J" children.

As soon as a J baby is born, a violin is put in their hand.

Michelle: Birth? They just slide out now.

I first watched the show "Fourteen and Counting" on TLC way back in the day when Michelle and Jim Bob had a laughably small family of 16. I was intrigued because even as a teenager I liked weird stuff, and what is weirder than a family full of "J" names who keep having kids because God is telling them to? I was especially fascinated that Michelle and Jim Bob decided to name a child Jinger with a "J" and had twins named Jedidiah and Jeremiah BEFORE they went with Jason or Josie (those came later). Basically, I liked the show at first because Jim Bob and Michelle seemed to be nice people who REALLY loved Jesus and their children, and well, obviously each other since they seemed to be reproducing at an astounding rate.

Could you keep your hands off that?! Obviously not.

The thing is, they kept having more kids. More and more. And they kept making up names like JoyAnna and Johannah which I am sorry to say, are THE SAME NAME. . This week, we found out that 45 year old Michelle is expecting her 20th baby.

Is Jim Bob REALLY so irresistable Michelle?!

Now some people are very upset by this. To some extent, I get it. Their last baby, Josie, was born premature and barely weighed over a pound. Michelle was 43 and had preeclampsia at the time, and many people called for her to quit having children. Now that she is pregnant again, there is even more backlash. I think however, people need to lay off the Duggars.

Do they have a ridiculous amount of children? Yes. Have they named some of them crazy names? YES. I am still not over the fact that the twins Jedidiah and Jeremiah share the middle name Robert. (WTF?!). However, it is THEIR choice. They are not in debt, they live in a ginormous Lincoln log house, and they seem to take good care of the kids. The children seem nice and well behaved. Who cares?

If these walls could talk...

Celebrities are giving birth all the time into their 40s, and none of them are pros at giving birth quite like Michelle. I say leave the Duggars alone. They are a couple in a stable relationship who want to be able to repopulate the earth in case of a natural disaster... I mean, submit to God's will. Let us all who enjoy the show continue marveling at their proclivity to procreate and subsist on tater tot casserole alone. Amen.

The Department of Hell... or Traffic.

2011-11-07T19:12:00.001-05:00

Today I spent over an hour of my life in a poorly lit room filled to the brim with unhappy people. No, I wasn't in jail, I was in the Traffic department of The City of Charleston.

... and I have ticket 10938957

I went there with the intention of disputing my ticket. This particular ticket was acquired when I was parked in a LEGAL parking spot that happened to be close to another person's driveway on the street that I live. If you've been on the street I live on, you would know that it is billed as a "two lane" when it is in actuality, barely big enough for my tiny car to get through. I had to pay a tow truck driver $90 to get my car off of his truck at midnight while I was barefoot and crazed. It was not a pretty sight.

Like this, except worse because I had no shoes.

However, an hour and a half later I was ready to pay the $45 just to get as far away from that room as possible. Someone had the bright idea to have us take tickets in order to go to a window in order to give them our names, in order to get back in our seats and then wait for our names to be called to dispute the ticket. THAT LITERALLY MAKES NO SENSE.

WHAT HELL LOOKS LIKE.

So anyway, I saw a girl burst into tears because she was too poor to pay her tickets, I heard a woman ramble about her elderly father's elderly nurse who ran stop signs and was senile. I heard two bros making snide remarks about how stupid this all was as they snickered and flipped their Justin Bieber hair and paid their tickets with their parents' money. I saw a girl next to me juggling both a black berry AND an iPhone as if that was totally normal. I coughed and was coughed on. Basically, my soul was slowly being drained from my body. Therefore, when my number was called, I just paid the freaking ticket. Which is probably the mastermind scheme behind making the whole situation as miserable as possible. A brilliant plan that worked since I am sick and wanted to go home and have a cup of tea.

I tip my hat off to you, Office of Traffic. Your evil plan worked this time. You win... for now.

Crazy Things Women Have Done To Be Beautiful: Bound Feet

2011-11-07T00:40:00.000-05:00

I thought I would keep on topic after the last post about corsets. Bound feet have fascinated ever since I learned about them as a child. I literally could not grasp the concept. Like, how did people take tiny kid feet and horribly deform them? Why was this attractive? They smelled!? Women were crippled! How was this sexy? Why? Oh WHY? So many questions.

Baby feet! On a grown woman! H-O-T. Oh wait...

I read "The Good Earth" by Pearl S. Buck when I was 10 or 11 (awesome book... go read it NOW!), and it boggled my mind that Wang Lung preferred the deformed feet of Lotus to the perfectly healthy O-Lan (who also happened to give birth to his child in a FIELD and then KEEP ON WORKING like the bad ass she was). But Wang Lung is a whole different story since he is both fictional and a huge douchebag. I'll save my opinions on him and "The Good Earth" for another post, as I have plenty, including the fact that the 1937 film version used only white actors to portray Chinese characters and was pretty much totally racist.

Apparently back then, if you taped your eyes you became Chinese! Like magic!

But as usual, I digress. I really became fascinated with bound feet upon receiving a book about shoes one year for Christmas from my grandma. The book contained an image of a "golden lotus" which was the desired 3 inch foot. I think it hit me that three inches was REALLY FREAKING RIDICULOUSLY SMALL. Like, freakishly tiny, in a cartoonish, not funny sort of way.

No, not the golden lotus FLOWER.

That's better.

So that tiny little shoe was supposed to balance a full grown woman. I know the whole point was that women were supposed to be tied to the house and the whole "it was a status symbol because if you could afford to mutilate your feet into being crippled tiny peg legs then you were like totally rich and didn't have to do chores" but STILL. COME ON. That just does not look like a good idea.

She looks happy but her feet argue to the contrary.

Then there is what the actual foot looks like in order to fit into that tiny little elf shoe. That doesn't happen naturally. Little girls as young as 3 had the bones in their feet broken and molded into the desired shape. Then their mothers would wrap the feet as tight as they could since the toes had to GROW INTO THE BOTTOM OF THE FOOT. The feet would secrete puss and smell (that often continued for the rest of their lives), and some girls died as a result of infection.

That just can't be comfortable.

In the end, they got feet that looked like this:

Because toes were so Ming dynasty.

X-ray view.

This demonstrates what went down... I'll pass thanks.

This was all done because tiny feet were seen as graceful, erotic, and they made a woman more attractive as a potential wife. Talking about corsets earlier, I mentioned the pain they caused and the crazy things they did to your internal organs. However, foot binding takes all of that to another level. Healthy little girls were essentially crippled in the name of beauty... at least corsets could be removed.

Perhaps the craziest thing is that it was still happening only 100 years ago. It had to be outlawed in 1912 for it to really cease as a practice, and some women still had their feet bound up until the 1940s. While I like to respect cultures and their traditions, I think its safe to say that foot binding was a nice little tradition to let go of. I for one am glad that I can walk and my feet don't secrete a stinking puss due to the fact that my toes have grown into my foot. And they say the past was a better time. Tell that to Lotus and O-Lan.

Also, go read "The Good Earth."

Crazy Things Women Have Done To Be Beautiful: Corsets

2011-11-05T15:59:00.000-04:00

While I was watching an amazing documentary called "Victorian Farm" last week, I was amazed by all of the hard work women had to do in those days. I love reading about history, but seeing someone reenact how it was done is a whole different story.

DON'T call me Vicki.

Women (at least poor ones) were first and foremost, laborers. They carried heavy buckets of water, washed every one's clothes, kept drafty houses clean, cooked on coal stoves, mended socks, made clothes, made butter, baked, and pretty much everything else. Women in those days also reared children, and in a time before birth control or hospitals, they also gave birth to many of them, often in dirty houses.In other words, these were no dainty damsels. They were TOUGH. They chewed nails for fun. Kind of. No?

Well, you get the point.

Van Gogh understood this hard knock life.

Men did a lot too, but women did all of these chores by wearing one of these:

The epitome of comfort!

Women were expected to have itty bitty teeny weeny waists while they were doing heavy manual labor. It seems ironic that women were supposed to be dainty and feminine while also doing back breaking labor. Just one of the many perks of being a woman throughout history really!

Can't... breathe...

This hour glass figure was achieved by taking a woman, shoving her into a tight corset, then lacing her up the back until she could barely move or breath. The ideal waist was somewhere around 17 inches, which in case you were wondering, looks something like this:

Just casually posing with Cosmo.

Or maybe this:

I can't move my arms from this position. Really.

Either way, your internal organs wound up looking something like this:

Wait, where did it all go?

So why did women do this? In the name of beauty of course! Sometimes I get cranky about models who look perfect in magazines, but hey, at least they're not telling me I need to rearrange my lungs to look beautiful. It could always be worse, right?

Speaking of Amelie...

2011-11-03T14:18:00.000-04:00

Speaking of Amelie, the best French bakery this side of the Atlantic. Check it out here. It is like a lovely meeting of delicious pastries and Anthropologie's decor.

Strawberry Tart = Heaven

Favorite Movies - Amelie

2011-11-02T20:36:00.000-04:00

So I want to start doing posts on some of my favorite movies with the hopes that I will inspire people to run out and watch them! One of my all time favorite movies is "Amelie," a french movie about a Parisian waitress who makes it her job to fulfill the dreams of others. The movie is whimsical and funny, and the cinematography is fantastic. It has several interesting story lines, including a man whose hobby is finding the leftover photos in photo booths, a traveling gnome (the original!), and a painter who has bones of glass. Audrey Tatou is fantastic as the kind of strange, but good hearted Amelie. Go out and see it!

To see the best of Audrey Tatou, avoid "The Da Vinci Code"

Who doesn't want to ride around Paris behind a cute French guy?

Childhood memories found in the floor.

Bunny clouds... apparently these things happen in France.

Princess Di is dead!

Favorite part of the movie? The suicidal goldfish.

So watch"Amelie." You will not regret it. Warning though, it may make you want to go to France. In which case this video will NOT help:

Must. Have. French. Children...

Halloween Is Over... So Is It Christmas Yet?

2011-11-01T18:32:00.001-04:00

Now that Halloween is over, I am ready for Christmas! Too soon? I don't care! I love Christmas and I love Christmas movies. My favorite one is of course, Christmas Vacation. It's time to get out your dickies and chop down a Christmas tree because Christmas is ONLY 2 months away!

I have always wanted one of those moose cups. The dickey? I'll pass.

Hallelujah!

Fruit of the month club!

The tree of all trees...

Dee-licious!

Awww.... Halloween Babies

2011-10-31T17:41:00.001-04:00

You may be able to tell by now that I love babies. No, I don't want them ANYTIME soon, but I can't help but adore chunky cheeked itty bitty tiny humans who slobber and crap their pants. Does it make sense? No. I have no idea why I love babies except that they are cute and I think it has to be a weird biological urge to squeeze their chubber cheeks and cuddle with them.

So anyway, in celebration of my love of both babies and Halloween, here are some outrageously adorable baby Halloween costumes.

Baby Gaga says... gaga.

Star Wars costume #1: Ewok. OMG!

"Cute, I am."

Baby Wookie is a cutey patootey.

"Luke, you are my father."

Princess Leia is ridiculously adorbs.

STOP IT. Big Horn ram baby is too much.

Turtle baby.

Moo cow baby. Moo Cuuuuuute.

Lobster baby. Hopefully the pot is a prop only.

Every baby's dream.

Baby peas in a pod!

In Case You Didn't Know...

2011-10-31T16:05:00.000-04:00

First of all... Happy Halloween!!! Here is what's happening on this spooktacular day in 2011:

Nerd News: Today marks the 30th Anniversary of Lily and James Potter's murder by Lord Voldermort. On this day in 1981, they died protecting little Harry. Thank goodness, because I can't wait to go to that theme park.

R.I.P. L&J.

Pop Culture News: Kim Kardashian is divorcing after 72 DAYS... just goes to show you that absurdly large rings and $7,000 vases can't buy you love.

We thought this would last forever! Like, at least 90 days.

News News: Herman Cain accused of sexual harassment. Can't say I'm surprised. One of the creepy candidates had to have done something. The only thing that shocks me is that it wasn't Michelle Bachman.

If she WAS paid off, I don't know about it. Pinky promise.

Must See Halloween-ish (Kind of) Movies

2011-10-28T17:17:00.000-04:00

Today, I was shocked to learn that Josh has never seen some of my very favorite Halloween-ish movies. I am making it my mission to show all of them to him, because it really is a travesty.

How did I discover this sad state of affairs? Today at lunch, I casually asked Josh had never seen "Hocus Pocus" assuming the answer would be "Of course!"

He said No.

Wait, WHAT??!?!

Even worse, he had no interest or care in the world that he had never seen the all time best 90's kid Halloween movie. What kid who was born after 1980 does not LOVE Hocus Pocus?

SJP at her best. For real.

I did a double take. I nearly choked on my food. HOW? WHAT? WHY? So many questions were running through my head. How was Josh born in 1986 and yet never managed to watch the gloriousness that is "Hocus Pocus?"

Carrie Bradshaw, Bette Midler, and Peggy Hill.

Was I overreacting? I informed some of my friends via text. The replies of "WTF?!", "How tragic," and "That's just sad," reinforced my original feelings: This was a horrific tragedy.

A feeling of dread crept up my spine. What else had he not seen? I swallowed, ran my fingers through my hair and asked the question, "Have you ever seen 'Young Frankenstein?'" I waited for the answer, praying he would assure me he had.

"No."

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who was this man? How did I live with someone who had never seen "Young Frankenstein?!" Where was I? Who was he? What was I going to do?!

It's FRONKenstein!

How could he have lived to the age of 25 and never seen this?

I have to fix this. I CAN fix this. The only thing that has comforted me is knowing I have the power to change all of this. I can't turn back time, but I can help Josh see the light.

He's also never seen "Teen Witch." This is a travesty only for missing this:

TOP THAT!

I also need to show him "Freaks," which is a not as well known classic, but one of my favorite creepy movies because it was made in a time where you could call real people with disabilities "freaks" and feature them in a movie and people thought it was a good idea. I watched this once at night in junior high and it scared the crap out of me. I highly recommend it.

Anyway, I have things to do, namely go make Josh watch some must-see movies. Happy Halloween!

Law School: WTF Was I Thinking?

2011-10-26T21:39:00.002-04:00

On days like today, I literally have no idea why I went to law school. If you google "Why being a lawyer sucks" you get 1.16 MILLION hits. That means that over 1 million times, people have thought that being a lawyer sucks enough to make note of it on the Internet. Yikes.

Right now I am writing a fake Supreme Court Opinion on whether the Credit Repair Organizations Act precludes arbitration when a credit consumer signs a contract that says arbitration is non-negotiable. It is exactly as boring as it sounds. Also, pretty immoral. Turns out, your contract may say you "have the right to sue" but guess what? YOU DON'T. And I am in favor of that because the law says so. Bah humbug!

Why did I go to law school? It seemed like a great idea at the time... I think. Turns out, your life is not one long episode of Ally McBeal.

This looks uncomfortable.

**SPOILER** Lawyers do not randomly pose like this.

Hell, it's not even like The Practice.

Again, what is up with the posing?

Nor is it like my personal favorite, Law and Order: (Fill in the Blank).

ENOUGH ALREADY WITH THE POSING!

From these shows' publicity shots, you may think that lawyers stand around all day practicing their poses and pouty faces. Since I am still in law school, I am really hoping that is all the job entails for me one day, but I have a sneaking suspicion there is more to it. Also, many lawyers seem to be... if not "crazy" then "bad decision makers." This frightens me a bit.

However, while I am in school all I do is read, Read, then READ some more. My professor for whom I am writing this paper assigned over 100 pages of reading for tomorrow. I also have 2 other classes. And this 10+ page paper. I am also supposedly supposed to be studying for exams, making outlines, participating in moot court, and stay sane!

I am failing miserably on the last point.

Sometimes, I wake up and want to run away from school and just move to a jungle (why not?) and hide out from the government when they come looking for their loan money. THEY WILL NEVER FIND ME!!! I will go native. I will smear my face with ashes and dance in a pool of pig's blood, I will cook plantains and feed them to my pet jungle monkey, I will make poison arrows and -

Uh, sorry there, remember I am failing at the "sane thing."

As it is, my apartment is in a state of disarray, whereas this summer it was impeccable. My dog and I are both getting fat and lazy from lack of exercise, and I think I killed our porch ferns. My keys are gone for good, lost somewhere between Charleston and Clemson. I have laundry spilling out of every room. The other day I was dreaming of Christmas break and then I realized I will be looking for a job and writing a 20+ page appellate brief on constitutional law.

Enough of the whining! I am lucky to be in school and doing something I do usually like most of the time. The light at the end of the tunnel is that I am almost halfway done and will be finished with the J.D. when I am 24, which sounded horribly old when I was 19, but is sounding much more youthful as I approach 23. After that, I am sure to win the lottery and spend my days reading about Tudor England and Royal mistresses in my two-story library with a rolling ladder and my book-cat named "Butter" who is yellow and fat and will know the Dewey decimal system.

Butter will be plumper of course.

A girl can dream, right?

"The Poisoned Candy Scare" aka "Why Your Mom Made You Throw Away Popcorn Balls"

2011-10-24T18:49:00.003-04:00

The temperature is cooling down and the pumpkins are coming out. It's that time of year again... Halloween! Halloween was not always one of my favorite holidays because every single one of them was foiled by the cold Ohio October weather. The most memorable disappointment occurred when I was four, dressed as Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I had a lovely gold gown. I was sure that everyone I met would be blown away that they were meeting the real Belle. I looked JUST. LIKE. HER. (Minus the age difference and the cartoon -to-human issue). But alas, my lovely dress had to be covered up by my winter coat. I was willing to risk hypothermia or even death to look beautiful. My mother was not. I was devastated.

Later Halloween was fun due to awkward middle school parties that involved bobbing for apples and college parties that involved people in banana suits and my friends getting egged. But those are stories for another time.

Everyone knows that the best part about Halloween is the candy. Every kid knows which candy is the worst and the best, though some may have different palettes. If you trick-or-treat long enough, you might even be able to tell who will give you what based on the porch-to-decoration ratio.

My bet is on King-sized snickers.

There is one type of candy every kid universally dreads receiving, and that is the homemade treats. Why? Our moms throw them out before we can even finish emptying out our candy stash.

Nobody wants homemade treats in their Halloween basket. It's not that we don't like crazy old cat ladies, we really do. It's more that our moms make use throw away anything that is not wrapped because EVERYONE KNOWS that if the candy looks suspiciously like it was made it was love, it was actually made with the intent to kill.

Every mom inevitably throws all of the homemade stuff away for fear it is a diabolical plot by old ladies to kill their children through the horribly ineffective method of making them swallow razorblades.

Wouldn't arsenic work?

When did this become a well-known fact of Halloween? According to the ever reliable Wikipedia, there was a "Poisoned Candy Scare" in the 70s and 80s. This led me to some truly intriguing information.

Snow White may have fell for this, but not me!

Apparently it all started in 1964 with a bored Long Island housewife who was mad that older kids were still trick-or-treating. To teach them a lesson she handed out steel wool, dog biscuits and poisoned ant buttons. She was convicted of endangering children (nobody was hurt) and there were other reports of lye filled bubblegum and rat poison in other areas.

Leaving the porch light off would be just as effective.

The worst story might be from 1974 when a boy was poisoned via pixie sticks by his own father because he wanted to collect the life insurance money. The father gave poison to other children as well to try and hide his crime. The boy died and his dad was executed for most likely the only death-by-pixie-stick case ever to be recorded. So sad.

Most claims proved to be hoaxes, but moms from all over America took note. No child would ever be safe eating homemade candy ever again. A woman might neglect her child in every other way, but she'll be DAMNED if her kid will eat those homemade treats that old Mrs. Jones down the street made.

Junior ain't touchin' no popcorn balls!

To be fair, anyone who has spent time around children in the past 40 years knows that most parents forbid such treats. So why do people keep insisting upon making them? To prove something? (I'm taking bets Martha Stewart is a proponent). This is AMERICA. Food that is sold by Wal-Mart and was packaged by starving Vietnamese orphans is MUCH safer than what people on your street are making.

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Did your mom let you eat the homemade treats? Let me know!

Angry Rant: I Don't Even Know

2011-10-24T17:11:00.001-04:00

Today has been one of those days that cannot be categorized in any box. I have had very good news and very bad news in the span of a few hours, so that makes things more complicated.

I will say this: sometimes I feel like I am surrounded by a circus. People are crazy. Like, in the Jerry Springer sense of the word. Why? Why do people make their lives more complicated by doing things that are so unnecessary and stupid? I am not perfect by any means, but sometimes, people blow me away by what they are willing to lose because they can't behave. Today has made me feel like this:

$#^%$@!!!

And that's all I have to say about that.

Halloween Humor

2011-10-23T10:52:00.002-04:00

Ridiculous Dog Halloween Costumes

2011-10-21T19:49:00.001-04:00

So my boyfriend has a dog named Luke. I inherited him when we moved into together, and now I have a dog named Luke as well. For those that know him, he is a very special dog. He is a 5 year old English Springer Spaniel who likes to frolic in sprinklers, roll in grass, bark at baby carriages, and ignore all other dogs. He also slobbers on people, pants loudly when excited, and the only time he notices the other dogs at the dog park, he humps them.

Luke may be special, but he is also the nicest, sweetest dog ever. He gets scared if things move too quickly in his peripheral vision. He keeps me wonderful company at night, and is a very nurturing ~~person~~ dog. He likes long walks on the beach, olive oil on his food, and jumping in fountains. His dislikes include loud clapping noises, golf carts, and skateboards.

Luke: working hard 24/7.

I was in Target today and saw an array of dog Halloween costumes. Now I know Luke. He would NOT be down with me putting a costume on him. Mostly I think because he believes he is a human and wouldn't like what I picked out. This is a shame since I find them to be hilarious and entertaining.

So I came home and started looking online and compiled some of the most ridiculous dog costumes I could find. Here are some of them:

Hot dog... dog.

Would you have to dress as Toto?

Who orchestrated this plan of ultimate cuteness??

Captain Jack Puggow

Not in Ohio, thanks.

This looks like Luke! Maybe I'll put it on Facebook and say it's him.

He could go with Luke and tell him he's his father!

Pugs are clearly the best dresser- uppers.

Not a costume. More for these people.

I had to include a cat, because it seems like such a bad decision. Cats don't need us, and you can tell from their manner that they think we are all helpless nitwits anyway. Cats could already stealthily kill you in your sleep and feel no remorse, which is why they are so bad ass. I love cats, but also fear them respectfully.
They don't need costumes because they are already small ninjas in their own right. Good luck to whoever gave their cat magical powers and a bad fuschia wig.

I have a spell... it's called "I KILL YOU."

As much as I would love for Luke to be into Halloween, I think this year he may just be himself. Maybe I can tie a towel around his neck and proclaim him to be "Super Dog." Either way, I think this is as dressed up as Luke is going to get:

"Boo!" Whew that was hard. Nap time!

Fall Nail Polish

2011-10-21T18:50:00.002-04:00

Every time a new season rolls around, I get the itch to go shopping. However, since I'm in law school, I can't exactly go out and spend tons of money on clothes. I rarely go clothes shopping. Before you start to feel bad for me, I must admit I have enough clothes to outfit a small third world nation and Josh has to keep his clothes in the living room closet... where I also store my coats.

So anyway, one thing I do indulge in is nail polish. It is a cheap and fun way to change your mood with the season. I have a long and deep abiding love of nail polish that goes back to when my uncle used to send me Hard Candy before they were sold out to Wal-Mart (gross) and were super cool and trendy. When I got those in the mail I used to LOVE the plastic rings that came on them and the funny names. I think I was 8 and had one called "Trailer Trash." I also had some notorious spill incidents that my Mom may recall, as it always seemed to coincide with her purchase of new carpet. Ahhh youth.

But anyway, I still love nail polish. This summer I was all about sea foam green and orange. I have a new love however, and that is Essie's "School of Hard Rocks."

Ahhh... nothing says ladylike like green-gray nail polish!

Now I am sure men have no idea why women wear shades like this, but I don't care. They probably will never understand leggings with oversize shirts or why we wear 4 inch heels and then complain about them halfway through the night and then limp the next day. IT DOESN'T MATTER. As women, we do what we want!

But I got off topic. This is a great fall/winter shade that goes with anything. This is what it looks like on nails:

I wish these were mine, sadly they are not.

I love this shade. And for $7, you really can't beat the price. Except if it's $3. Which is what Ulta's "Fine Pruned" nail polish set me back.

Again, much too pretty to be my nails.

This is another great fall/winter shade that goes with ANYTHING. So for $10, I have a whole new fall nail look. Think of the possibilities! So put away your hot pink flamingo and lemon colored summer shades. Go out and buy some colors to match your fall and winter mood. Or, if you have money, go buy clothes AND nail polish. The economy needs you. It is your patriotic duty. Now SHOP.

Listen to the 'stache.

Fall Break

2011-10-20T12:48:00.000-04:00

My fall "break" starts today. I have list of things to do which includes:

- Research for my Supreme Court Seminar Opinion
- Write said Supreme Court Opinion (10-17 pages) on credit card companies and their ability to force people into arbitration (Jealous??)
- Do 2 Professional Responsibility extra credit assignments on shady lawyers
- Apply for 2 or 3 externships (Write cover letters, beg for a job, etc.)
- Get my oil changed using my Groupon
- Make note cards for Criminal Law and Evidence without doodling all over them
- Read for Constitutional Law and pretend I understand what is going on
- Figure out how to print at school without taking a baseball bat to the printers
- Go to a Clemson game and have actual FUN
- Read like 100 pages for next week's classes

... so somehow I have to accomplish all of this on my "break" when all I really want to do is sleep for an entire weekend and hibernate while I watch reruns of "Friends" and "The Simpsons." It makes me all grouchy and depressed and feel like this:

Just kidding. I don't own a striped hat.

But enough whining! I do look forward to going to the Clemson game. I will eat food and wear orange and yell loudly as people hit heads. I LOVE FOOTBALL. College football to be precise. I don't know why. I don't care. Saturday will be my break and it shall be glorious.

On another note, apparently Gaddafi is dead. I wonder what happened to his Amazonian lady body guards...

Halloween Humor

2011-10-20T12:23:00.000-04:00